I’m feeling bratty, but I’m going to fuss again. Sorry about that.
Monday night I was at small group. I love my small group, and it has been a huge blessing in my life so far. I am getting to know some wonderful couples and making friends and starting to feel, for the first time in 10 months, like I have a life and a community around me. We haven’t shared what we’re going through with anyone in my small group at this point, and I don’t know if/when we will.
One of the couples in our group announced a couple of weeks ago that they are expecting. And while I do find myself often feeling sad and left out when I find out people are pregnant, I’ve been genuinely happy for them. But Monday night I had to take a step back and bite my tongue when the mom-to-be started talking about how, while they’re happy to be expecting, “pregnancy is such a burden.” She said it because she feels “slightly nauseated” if she doesn’t eat every two hours.
When she said that, my stomach clenched. I don’t know why it annoyed me so much. I guess because I feel she is taking her pregnancy for granted. And maybe because I would rather projectile vomit every single day for 40 weeks than not get pregnant. I can’t really be upset with her, because it’s not like she knows what we’re dealing with. And I don’t think most people have ever thought about infertility or how absolutely painful it is to find out you may never have children.
I guess comments like that–and so many others–make me wish infertility were a more recognized issue (not that I’m doing anything to make it more known at this point). I wish when people thought about saying, “So when are you going to have kids?” they knew enough about infertility to stop themselves and think, what if she can’t?