Dwell in Me

Seeking God in the Every Day

Five-Minute Friday: Last

13 Comments

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker provides a prompt for “Five-Minute Friday“: Write for five minutes only–no editing, no rewriting. This week’s prompt is “Last.” Here goes . . .

~~~

Last sometimes feels like left out.

Infertile and longing for children while everyone else is moving forward, moving on to seconds or thirds, toddlers or preschool. Left out of–or lost–in the conversations mothers have about what they feed their babies and what items are a must and which things aren’t worth the money. Left out of the conversations about how hard it is to leave the little one at the church’s daycare for a few hours the first time. How hard it is to send her to kindergarten.

And it’s tough. Especially when you thought you’d be there with them. Not running lap two of four when everyone else is finishing their mile run.

But, maybe last isn’t going to be so bad after all.

While I’m waiting, I can choose to be included in their families. I can watch with joy at the wonder on a child’s face when she sees that butterfly or the excitement when he pets one of my dogs.

My Sweet Puppies

While I’m waiting, I can take time to learn the things I want to know before I have children. I can learn how to efficiently keep my house. How to eat better. What nutrition theories I think make sense.

While I’m waiting I can finish projects. Read more. Write more.

And when my turn comes, I’ll know more. And my friends will have so much wisdom to impart. And I’ll be the beneficiary of their experiences, their trials, and their joys.

Maybe last is right where I need to be.

TIME

Five Minute Friday

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13 thoughts on “Five-Minute Friday: Last

  1. May you be sweetly blessed.

  2. Thank you for putting into words what I have felt over the past 4 years. Often I feel left out of the”mommy club” especially at church. I know that God’s timing is perfect but at times it is hard to trust that fact. Thank you for sharing what is on your heart!

    • The “God’s Timing Is Perfect” thing used to really annoy me. It’s a platitude; it doesn’t show any real understanding or empathy for someone. And then, my mentor (who also went through infertility) pointed out that the timing has to be perfect. Not just for us, but also for our children. They need to meet the right people, go to school at the right time, etc. It really helped me frame the waiting game differently and I’m glad she said that. It makes it that much easier to wait for our hoped-for children.
      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      • Do you ever feel like people don’t know what to do with you? Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in anywhere because of your infertility? Maybe it is just me who feels this way.

        • Definitely. DH and I talk all the time about how we don’t have a demographic. It’s tough to find your place when you’re not where you thought you would be. I absolutely get that.
          But I am starting to realize that other people don’t think that about me. When we hang out with people who are already parents, they don’t feel like we don’t belong. They may be more absorbed in the day-to-day needs of their children than involved in making time for friends, but they don’t mean it.
          I guess that’s helped. And blogging has helped. Because of my blog I have a whole community of people I love and pray for. People who know what infertility is and know how it feels. And that’s really been a huge blessing to me. I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone, but going through it with others has made a huge difference in my life and in my perspective.
          Praying for you–to find where you belong and to have peace in what I know is a really difficult time.

          • I have often felt that my DW and I have no demographic. We do not fit neatly into any of them. In fact, I am convinced there is no one on the planet that is in our situation (we have more going on than just IF).

            • It’s so hard just with infertility. I can’t imagine with other things complicating everything! We’ve been trying to get over demography and make friends with the people we do find. I hang out with a lot of empty-nesters these days. It doesn’t fill the void that seeks “people like me,” but I have been blessed by it.

  3. Bless you. I have had the kiddos and they are off -and you know, sometimes I find I feel a lot like you, but just on the other side of it.

    Life seems to circle around family and that brings a connectedness that we long for. I miss football games and girl sleep-overs. My house is so quiet.

    But the encouraging thing for those of us who are in Christ is that we can know for every barren place, there is something rich He has for us. I often think of Hannah who was ridiculed and barren, and Elizabeth too. How they had to endure, pray and wait. Then both of them ended up giving birth to great men of God. Jesus even said John the Baptist was the greatest man who ever lived.

    • Yes. I am grateful for their stories as they tell me both that I am not alone and that infertility happens even to those God loves. He is working this for good in my life. I can’t deny that. It may not be what I would have chosen, but I’m not God. I’ll trust him with my story.

  4. Great post today, Ria. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.

  5. May God bless you as you wait for His perfect timing.

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