I’ve been trying to find the perfect words for this post, but I give up. The fact is, I’m pregnant. And, I’m over-the-moon excited that we’re going to have a little one in our home sometime in January.
But that’s not the full story. The full story includes that I’m still heartbroken for those of you dear ones still waiting. I’m praying for you. I’m waiting with you. I’m eager for you to experience your little miracles and your daily joys and your resolution in this trial.
The full story includes that it’s weird being infertile and pregnant. Like I don’t have any more street cred. Like the journey’s over (for now). Like I can’t know anymore what it’s like to be in the waiting room or going through treatments. And some of that is true. I know–barring a miracle–we’ll be going through treatments again someday, but that isn’t going to keep me from enjoying this pregnancy, this baby, this miracle growing inside me. I know what we’ve been through thus far was anything but trivial, and that the experiences we’ve had are not going to leave me. I know what it’s like to spend month after month hoping and finding those hopes dashed–but I also know that it’s worth it. That we’ve gotten there. That we’re making it through.
And I know what it feels like to be waiting. And waiting. I pray you’ll be on the other end of that soon.
As slow as all the waiting drags by, I thought I’d have time to enjoy pregnancy. To be happy and gloriously pregnant. But time switched to fast forward. And the first trimester is over before you’ve had a chance to fully realize that it’s started. And as you stare at 14 weeks–wasn’t it just 13 weeks yesterday?– you realize, you’re never going to get everything done. And a human being is coming. And that human will need things and time and love and–wow. I thought I had learned a lot in the waiting. Yet I find myself feeling completely unprepared. Inadequate. Unready as this miracle I want nothing more than to relish keeps speeding by.
Wishing a little fast-forwarding to all of you waiting. And that you’ll be here with me, soon, holding our babies and praising God for yet another everyday–or extraordinary–miracle.
July 23, 2014 at 7:09 pm
I’m so excited for you!! Blessings to you and a very happy and healthy pregnancy! However, I can TOTALLY relate to the “no street cred” thing. But think of if as a “graduation” of sorts. You are an alumnus, or a booster section cheering the other players on at the game. I’m thrilled for you! God is good!
July 23, 2014 at 7:36 pm
All. The. Time.
Thanks for your encouragement. I like the graduation idea. 🙂
July 23, 2014 at 7:21 pm
OH Ria! This is so exciting and I’m so happy for you! Congratulations and I hope you do continue to blog and post lots of baby bump pictures, ultrasound photos and all the exciting things that come from pregnancy. This is a huge time of celebration Sending you hugs and I’m praying for perfect development of your precious baby and a smooth pregnancy and delivery for you. xo
July 23, 2014 at 7:37 pm
Thanks so much dear! I really appreciate that. I’m so excited for all your bump pictures and to see dear Josiah when he finally comes, too! Thank you for your prayers–it means a lot. We’ll keep praying for you. Hope your waits go super fast and you get tons of time to relish and enjoy pregnancy and baby when they come!
July 23, 2014 at 8:54 pm
Congrats ria … A great news indeed take care … Hope Jan comes soon
July 23, 2014 at 9:41 pm
Thanks, T! I kind of hope things will slow down a bit though!
July 23, 2014 at 9:16 pm
How exciting! I’m so happy for you and your husband! I think all of us who get to this point struggle with a bit of survivor’s guilt, but pregnancy is not a cure for infertility. You still have plenty of street cred and can hopefully be an inspiration to those still waiting! Congratulations!
July 23, 2014 at 9:42 pm
Oh thank you! Your words are always comforting and I’m excited you can share in our joy as we have with yours!
July 23, 2014 at 10:26 pm
Oh praise god! I’m so excited for you!!!!! Enjoy the tears turning to dancing…or waddling soon 🙂
July 24, 2014 at 8:06 am
Haha! Thanks! We are excited.
July 24, 2014 at 8:08 am
WAHOO!!! Praise Jesus! Congrats Ria! It’s so good hearing from you – especially with such AMAZING news!!! God is so faithful! Thanks for sharing – when you share your testimony it opens the environment for Him to create the same miracle!!! January!!!!! SO SOON!! Congrats Congrats! Can’t wait to tell Colby! Seems like we were all just in my living room together praying for this!
July 24, 2014 at 9:12 am
It does! Thanks for your enthusiasm. We are so blessed. And eagerly anticipating what God is going to do next in our little online community!
July 24, 2014 at 1:57 pm
YAY!!!! Can’t get enough of this good news! Congrats again, you so deserve this! Praying for your pregnancy to continue to be uneventful, long and healthy! xoxo
July 24, 2014 at 2:39 pm
Thanks so much, friend! It’s been so nice having you by my side throughout this whole journey. I really appreciate you!
July 25, 2014 at 6:17 pm
So very happy for you! And you’ve still got your street cred in my eyes! Anyone who’s been on this journey is a lifetime member of this bittersweet sisterhood.
July 25, 2014 at 7:00 pm
Thanks so much!
July 26, 2014 at 9:26 am
Oh my goodness!!!! This is sooo awesome!!! I so happy for you guys!!
And I totally understand what you mean about still being broken hearted. Mothers day this year was maybe harder for me knowing so many others were still waiting. I will always ache for those waiting. That wound went too deep.
And yeah, overwhelmed here too! We have hardly any stuff because in my mind “we have time” but only a few more months!
So excited for you. Will keep you and your little one in prayer. I’m so thankful God heard our prayers and answered us.
July 28, 2014 at 7:28 pm
Thanks so much! I’m sure God will provide us enough time to do all that we *need* to do to be ready. Whether we’ll have time for all we’d like to do is another story! WIshing you the best, and praising God for answered prayers, too!
July 27, 2014 at 10:48 pm
Congratulations! So happy for you. I, too, found myself pregnant, probably around the same time as you. I was due in January as well, but we miscarried around 7 weeks. I felt the same way about street cred. In fact, even though I’m still waiting for my miracle, I still feel like my street cred is lost now that I’ve conceived, even if it didn’t last. Enjoy this time while it lasts. It will be gone before you know it and you’ll be loving on your new little one. 🙂
July 28, 2014 at 7:41 pm
Thank you. I was so very sad to read about your miscarriage, and we are praying for you and Choi to be blessed beyond measure.
July 29, 2014 at 3:27 pm
Congrats!! Very excited for you. I have lost some friends after “graduating” from the infertility world and leaving them behind. It’s hard losing that piece of yourself that you’d been used to for all those years, even though it wasn’t fun I will appreciate this baby so much more for the struggles. I know how to “cope” as an infertile, but being in the world of fertile preggos? Not so much.
July 29, 2014 at 9:08 pm
Thanks much! How have you been lately?