Dwell in Me

Seeking God in the Every Day

Mother’s Day and Ugly Cries

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And it’s Mother’s Day.

It’s the second Mother’s Day since we started TTC, but the first since our IF was officially diagnosed.

I’ve kind of been wondering how I would feel today. And I’ve enjoyed some really great blog posts about Mother’s Day and how to be kind to those of us who are waiting or who have suffered miscarriages or who have lost their own mothers. If you’re interested, here are a couple of links I really appreciated in the lead up to today: The Pains of Motherhood, Part 1 (Infertility) and An Open Letter to Pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day}.

DH is working today. (He works a shift schedule, though soon he will have a normal M-F schedule again!) I try to go to church even when he’s working, but decided in advance today that I would just watch it instead. Our church has a live webstream of the service. I am glad I stayed home.

I think I could have handled the “all the mothers please stand part.” And the video at the beginning of the sermon with a pregnant mom encouraging her little girl to talk to her soon-to-be baby sister wasn’t too bad. It really had me hoping that someday I would get to experience that–though that would mean two pregnancies and I don’t know how I can wish for that when the chance for one (without medical or miracle interference) is exactly zero.

But the video at the end. That’s when I was really glad I’d stayed home. I sobbed through it. And not sweet, “Oh, bless her heart, she loves her momma” sobs. They were ugly cries.

It’s been a while since I’ve cried like that, and I think I needed it. But I’m glad I didn’t have to share my tears with our congregation.

To all of you who are pregnant or enjoying Mother’s Day with your children today, Happy Mother’s Day. And to those of you who have babies waiting for you in heaven, Happy Mother’s Day. And to my own mom and dear, sweet mother-in-law, I will wish Happy Mother’s Day. And for those of us still waiting–hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day. And who knows what God has in store for us next?

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6 thoughts on “Mother’s Day and Ugly Cries

  1. I really enjoyed your post. You have such a positive attitude on your blog, and I look forward to visiting more often. I also see strength from you that I don’t think I have in me at this point.

    • You are too kind. But that strength you’re seeing in my blog? It’s not of me. I praise God for giving me strength and sustaining me through this most difficult journey. I pray he will give you strength as well, peace, and a sweet child of your own.

  2. I have been reading your blog for a while. My husband was diagnosed with infertility last September. We are both Christians and live in the UK. Your thoughts are so similar to mine! I also couldn’t face Mother’s Day at church so we went away for the weekend. Praying for a miracle for both of us.

    • Thanks for reading. I said a prayer for you and will keep praying for you. It’s a tough spot to be in. Glad you got to go away for the weekend. That must have been nice. Praying for your miracle. 🙂

  3. I’m glad you didn’t go. But I’m not glad they had so many videos about it 😦 my hubby said he thinks that many non-denominational churches place a really high emphasis on holidays like MD. Interesting thought because it’s true that our church now which is a denomination, doesn’t make anything of it.
    And I’m glad you got to cry! Even though it hurts so much to let myself feel all the pain to cry, there is something refreshing about it to me.

    • Our church is Methodist. I was surprised that they did so much because they made very little deal about Easter, which I would submit is quite a bit more important than Mother’s Day. But it was nice to have a good cry.

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