Dwell in Me

Seeking God in the Every Day

Category Archives: Finding Things to Be Thankful For


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Evicting Fear

I have an enemy called Fear. We don’t get along well, but I have, off and on,  allowed Fear to be a close companion. And not in the “keep your enemies closer” kind of way.

Fear keeps sneaking up on me and trying to steal my joy. She sneaks into my thoughts and tells me lies. Lies like I’ll never be fulfilled if I don’t have children. Lies like I’m wasting my life waiting around for a baby. Lies like I’d better hurry up and figure out what I’m supposed to do with my life, because I’m clearly not having a child any time soon.

For months I let fear live with me. She came in and made a pleasant little home for herself. When my thoughts would stray toward our infertility, she was right there ready to tell me all the reasons my life looked bleak. When I spent a day at home without a lot of work I needed to do, she taunted me. When I wondered where I was going or what I was going to do, she egged me on. “Worry more,” she’d say. “There’s so much you should be worried about.”

Fear has a few buddies she invited over for regular, noisy parties. Anxiety would come. Low Self-Esteem always showed up. Loneliness was definitely around. But the life of the party was Worry. They all came and they always made a mess.

Anxiety always echoed Fear’s haunting chorus: “You’ve got nothing. You’re going nowhere.” And added, “What are we going to do?”

Low Self-Esteem said, “Without children, who are you? You’re not valuable to future generations. You’re not worthy of your mommy-friends. And you’re really letting yourself go these days.” (Okay, there may be some truth to that last one . . .)

Loneliness tried to make me forget that I am never alone, that God is always with me. She tried to make me forget that  my husband, my best friend,  is here for me. Loneliness tried to tell me my friends, especially the ones who live far away, were too busy with their own, more important, lives to have time to talk to me. Loneliness told me that I didn’t fit in–that I’m too long married to be with the “young marrieds” and too barren to hang with the fertile crowd.

And Worry. She got into everything. Every aspect of my life was under her purview. “What if your husband has a terrible car accident on his way to work? Then you’ll really be alone. What if you get everything in order and still can’t make a baby? What if you can’t have any children? What will you do with yourself then? What if . . .”

A mess indeed. I look back on those months and I remember the company I was keeping–the company I was feeding and allowing to be part of my life–and it’s no wonder that I was depressed. That I was always tired. That I felt Hope slipping away.

And then something changed. Slowly, I began to realize that I was nourishing all of these negative voices instead of the positive voices that were standing at the door and waiting to be let in to influence my life. I was feeding Fear and Worry. I was giving them a free pass. But I didn’t have to do that.

And I found in the Word, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (I John 4: 18).

And I found in the Word, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6).

I find today that I am not afraid. I’m not afraid that we won’t be able to have children even with help. It may happen, but I’m not afraid of it. I’m not afraid that I will not be a mother. I may never be a mother, but I’m not afraid. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow–I need to live today.

I am choosing Joy instead of Worry and Peace instead of Anxiety. I am choosing Love instead of Fear. And maybe when Love comes in and finds it is at home, Fear is evicted and can’t find a place to lay her head. Love trumps Fear. Love wins.


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Our Nursery

Confession: We have a nursery in our house.

When we moved into the house, we set aside one of the three bedrooms as a nursery. I didn’t want anything to go in it. I was so sure that we would be decorating it soon for a baby and I didn’t want to end up putting a bunch of junk in there that we would need to find new places for when a baby was on the way.

When we received our infertility diagnosis, our view of things changed. The “nursery” became the spare bedroom. We let some things get piled up in there–but it mostly just has books lining the walls. The books are waiting for shelving we plan to build in our office, a project that will almost surely be completed before we have a baby.

Then we read a book called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. My mom gave it to me in February when she and my dad came for a visit. And DH and I read a chapter each night together until we finished the book. The book is all about prayer–powerful prayer. It’s not about getting what you want from God. It’s more about getting what God wants for you by dedicating yourself to praying more consistently and with more intention and focus.

I don’t really know how to explain it, but after reading that book we decided to rechristen the room as the nursery. DH and I have made a habit of going in there every night to pray specifically about our hope for a child, asking God to mold our desires to his, and telling God that we have planned this room as a nursery and that we will keep asking for his blessing in that room until he directs us in a different way. We read prayers or Bible verses and we add our own prayers. Sometimes we stay in there for just a few minutes. Sometimes much longer. We say we are using the nursery as a prayer circle.

Before I only ventured in there if I was looking for a book. Now we go in every day. It used to feel haunted, and there is no baby there–yet. But I have come to enjoy having a place that helps us focus our prayers.

And perhaps one day the nursery will be used for a baby of ours. Or perhaps God has another plan. We’ll have to wait and see what he intends for us. In the meantime, I am so grateful to have a God who hears our prayers and who cares about our desires. And I trust that his will is best for our life, even if things turn out differently than I think I want.

Is there something you want to pray more intentionally about? What do you do to focus your prayers? Is there something I can pray for you? I’d be honored to join you in praying for God’s direction and peace in your life.


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Modern Miracles?

I’ve been a negligent blogger lately. I guess if I want to over-analyze, it’s probably not a bad thing. I started the blog because I needed a space to write and air my grievances, a space to heal. And I needed to know I wasn’t the only person out here on this messed up ride called infertility. So the fact that I haven’t felt as compelled lately to post–well, I think it may indicate that my attitude has improved. And it has. The peace I mentioned in my last post apparently wasn’t just a momentary fluke, because I’m still feeling it.

My circumstances haven’t changed. We’re still waiting. And honestly, hoping and praying we’ll end up avoiding actually doing inferitlity treatments. It’s a long shot, for sure, but wouldn’t that be amazing? And I know nothing is too difficult for the LORD.

All this has had me thinking lately about miracles and answered prayers. How many miracles do we ignore completely? How many answers to prayer do we miss because we’re too caught up in the day to day? This season of infertility has called our attention more and more toward how God is moving in our lives all the time, in ways we maybe wouldn’t have called out or mentioned before.

It has been amazing to grow through this difficulty with my best friend. I’ve watched his faith deepen throughout the past several months. He’s thanking God for things I don’t think he would have seen God’s hand in even six months ago. He’s taking more leadership for our family as the spiritual head of our household. I have a tendency to step in and take over, infringing on his leadership, but I’ve been praying that would change, and that DH would really be the spiritual leader of our house. Another answer to prayer?

And little tiny things–like how DH’s car passed its inspection this weekend despite having an indicator light on that best estimates suggest will require a $1000 fix we just can’t afford right now. And how our first two rounds of medicine were free because the insurance company and/or the pharmacy messed up and told us they were covered 100 percent, and they actually went by what they told us despite the fact that it should have cost $500+ each time. And how they billed our most recent round of meds as a $20 copay (by the grace of God!).

There are everyday little things that may seem insignificant, but it is so nice to be reminded that God has not forgotten us. He hears us and he cares about us. He’s in it with us and he knows how he will resolve things for us. What an incredible relief!

Ultimately, it’s a reminder that I’m a benefactor of the ultimate miracle: that God loved me enough to find a way to pay the cost of my sin. Forgiveness: What a miracle.

Miracles really do happen all the time. I pray that I won’t be blind to them in my life. And that seeing miracles–both those that affect me directly and others’ answers to prayer–will strengthen my faith that God is, absolutely, beyond any doubt, able to work the miracle of children in my life should he choose. And if not, it’s not because of any lack on his part. It’s because he has something better planned.

Praise God. The God who heals and hears and IS.  


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God’s Timing

Our church offers a mentorship program for women. It’s a six-month deal. You fill out a little card and they pray over you and match you with someone for six months of weekly meetings.

My mentor is wonderful. She’s been through infertility–though her experience was different. And she tells me I’m supposed to talk and she will listen. And she gives me advice. Godly advice.

We meet on Tuesdays at Starbucks near my house. I get a green tea latte. She gets green tea.

Recently, she said something that has changed my perspective.

She said, “You know this already, but this story isn’t just about you and [DH]. It’s about your future children and their spouses. And their children, and the circumstances that need to fit together.”

I didn’t know that already. That thought hadn’t crossed my mind.

And I thought about Sarah and Abraham waiting decades for the fulfillment of a promise. And who knows if they weren’t waiting until Rebecca was about to be born?

She is so right. There are millions of different things that need to come together for our baby to meet up with the right people, to be in the right place, to do the right things.

And what feels like ages is really just the slow ticking by of months. Of weeks. But one week might be the difference between meeting the love of his life and not. One month might be the difference between graduating high school at the right time or not. Who can know but God?

So now we pray a little differently. We pray “in Your timing” and mean it. And we are praying for the circumstances to come together, too.

Such peace for us from one little thought.


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Rejoicing

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

I am really bad at this.

And until this week, I didn’t really think about it being a command. But maybe it is. As Paul is writing from a dark place (house arrest in Rome) all about joy in his letter to the Philippians, I don’t think I can excuse my failures to rejoice as a result of my circumstances. I’ve got nothing on Paul.

As I read these words I was struck by how similar it sounds to I Thessalonians 5:17:

“Pray without ceasing.”

I struggle with that one, too.

And the next verse (I Thess. 5:18):

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

We just finished Philippians in my Bible study. Actually, tomorrow is our last meeting for the year. And the commentary on Philippians 3 had some lovely words that struck me about rejoicing.

Rejoicing in the Lord fixes the mind on the only real source of joy and comfort–Jesus Christ. This gives perspective to life. We must resist the tendency to rely too much on God’s good gifts of health, financial security, the love of family and friends. To set affections on the gifts of God rather than on God Himself is to court disaster, for the gifts are temporal and subject to change. When believers rejoice in the Lord, they can thank Him for all His goodness and appreciate all He has given without basing happiness on the gifts.

I can’t remember the last time I rejoiced in the Lord simply because he is the Lord.

 I find that when I need to learn something God likes to show it to me in a cascade of ways all at one time. So it was no surprise that that evening (April 29) I read the following from Sarah Young’s book Jesus Calling (written as though Jesus is speaking):

Let Me teach you thankfulness. Begin by acknowledging that everything–all your possessions and all that you are–belongs to Me. The dawning of each new day is a gift from Me, not to be taken for granted. The earth is vibrantly alive with my blessings, giving vivid testimony to My Presence. If you slow down your pace of life, you can find Me anywhere. . . . The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from My perspective. My world is your classroom. My Word is a lamp to your feet and a light for your path.

I’ve been reading Ann Voskamp’s blog, A Holy Experience, for several months now. She is the author of the book “1000 Gifts,” and she recommends daily giving thanks to God for what we have and who he is and what he is doing in our life (even things that hurt). I’ve been thinking for a while that I should really do that, but I haven’t been motivated to actually start. So I started a twitter account just to note my thanks. I’ll try to put in three things a day that I am thankful for; they’ll show up on the side of my blog and hopefully help keep me accountable. Anyway, I’m putting them there so I will have a record I can refer to and because I don’t blog consistently enough to put them in my posts.

Maybe making a conscious note of thanksgiving will help me to better rejoice in the Lord, to grow in my faith, and to see beyond my circumstances (which so often feel dark and painful). Maybe thankfulness and rejoicing will help me truly lay my pain and burden at the foot of the cross.


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Sharing in His Sufferings

“But whatever gain I had I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith–that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3: 7-11

So I’ve been meditating some on what it means to take joy in suffering lately. I guess that came up in my last post and then hit me again as I was doing my Bible study in Philippians 3 this week. The verses that really caught me are 3:10-11, though I provide 7-11 for some extra context here. Paul has just finished talking about why he was about the most qualified person for salvation that ever could be–by worldly, Jewish standards anyway. He has perfect lineage, “a Hebrew among Hebrews.” As a Pharisee, he knows the law forward and backward. He had great zeal for his beliefs–which he credits as the motivation behind his persecution of Christians before meeting the Lord on the way to Damascus. He is as righteous and by the book as any man could have been before Christ. But he says, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.”

None of those credentials is worth anything to him in light of Christ. And none of those things could have saved him.

There are things I rely on in daily life all the time when I should rely on Christ. And things I feel so heartbroken that I am missing. But I was reminded recently that while “children are a blessing from God,” they are not the ultimate blessing. That is salvation.

That doesn’t change the fact that infertility means pain and difficulty and suffering for so many of us, myself included. I haven’t really suffered in this life outside of this, and I have found it difficult to become accustomed to it. I don’t like suffering. I don’t want it. I want nothing to do with it.

But then, that puts me a bit out of line, doesn’t it?

Paul talks about sharing in the sufferings of Christ not just as a worthwhile thing, but as something he desires. Wow.

This verse (verse 10) really hits home when considering how to have joy in our sufferings. We can rejoice in our difficult circumstances because in some small way our challenges allow us to take part, albeit to a lesser degree, in the sufferings of Christ. I believe this is so even when the things we suffer are not outwardly related to our faith or profession thereof. That is, even when our sufferings are not brought about by persecution.

In this sense, I should rejoice in infertility, even if all I could ever gain from it is that I will have shared in some small part in the sufferings of Christ.

I need to remember that to attain resurrection from the dead is worth it at any cost. Even the cost of my ability to bear children. That is so difficult for me to wrap my mind around. But if that is not true, what do I believe?

I think if I had read what I am writing here a few months ago I would have thought two things. First, that this writer is a bit off balance (which, let’s face it, is a completely valid concern even now), and second, that this writer has no concept of what I am going through and clearly cannot understand my pain.

But God is working on me. He is changing my heart and changing my perspective. If you think this is crazy, I don’t blame you. But this. This is what I am thinking. And this is true: My pain is worth rejoicing over if it means I am getting closer to Christ and growing more Christ like. 

And in that way, infertility is a discipline, making me better than I could make myself. And God, who knows all things, is growing me and doing what is best for me, as he has promised to do. Even when I don’t understand it.

I don’t have to enjoy it.

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

But I do need to rejoice in what suffering really means for me. The building of a Christ-like character within me. And that’s an investment in eternity.


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Thoughts on Mark 15:31-32

I am reading through the Bible this year and seeing things through the eyes of a woman dealing with infertility. And in that way, the scriptures are made so fresh and new. Occasionally, a thought strikes me and I’ll make a note of it. This one seemed worth sharing.

The verses (while Jesus is on the cross):

“The leading priests and teachers of religious law also mocked Jesus. ‘He saved others,’ they scoffed, ‘but he can’t save himself! Let this Messiah, this King of Israel, come down from the cross so we can see it and believe him!’ Even the men who were crucified with Jesus ridiculed him.” Mark 15:31-32

The people taunted and mocked Jesus on the cross. And they entreated him to come down from the cross to prove his power to them so they would believe. They were telling him what miracle to perform.

How often have I asked God to perform a specific miracle through which we could give him great glory? If we become pregnant before the medicines have possibly had time to work–or if we become pregnant before this or that treatment–what great glory we can give the name of the Lord! And I do believe it would glorify his name if we could tell of a miracle pregnancy, a miracle baby.

But what if Jesus had come down? Perhaps the mockers witnessing that act would have been muted. Perhaps they would have looked upon Jesus and known that he was beloved by God after all, that he did possess some extraordinary power. But if Jesus had come down from that cross, the penalty for our sins would not have been paid. We would not have been saved.

If he had come down from that cross, Jesus may have obtained glory for himself, but it would have been at the expense of God’s great plan for his children.

As a believer, I have to look at this story and be thankful that God does not seek to glorify himself by doing only what people think would give him glory. Instead, he knows the full story and he knows the best way to glory.

So I hope to glorify God in whatever comes through our infertility and through my life. What I think would glorify his name may not be what he knows will be for the greatest glory. But I should not lose heart. And I must continue to trust him. Because Jesus doesn’t come off the cross when the mockers tell him to. Instead, he lays down his life and the curtain separating man from God is torn in two. And what glory when Christ walks from the grave on the third day, showing us that he has conquered death and freed his children from the bondage of sin! Praise God.


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Thoughts of Adopting

I’m back. We did our two weeks in Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos. We did some really fun things and saw some beautiful things. And I’m so glad to be back and able to sleep in my own bed.

For some reason the trip brought up thoughts of adoption. I don’t know if it’s because Angelina Jolie’s first child, Maddox, was adopted from Cambodia (I didn’t know that until we were there), or because the children we saw were so adorable, or something else. DH and I had always talked about adoption, you know, before we found out we couldn’t procreate naturally, in the naive, after we’re done having pregnancies, maybe we’ll adopt some more kids kind of way. And I looked into it briefly when we first found out we were dealing with infertility. But when I really think about adopting, I find it frightens me. What if our kids never feel like they’re ours? Does adoption mean I’ll always feel infertile?

We had the opportunity a while ago to see Mark Schultz in concert in our neighborhood. I enjoy his music and we stood in the rain to watch him play. It was great, until he started talking about his life. He was adopted. And he clearly loves his adoptive parents. But he was talking about how he had always wanted to meet a blood relative. He always wanted to meet someone who was physically related to him. And then he and his wife had their first child. And when that child smiled for the first time, it was his smile. And he was so excited because he had finally met a blood relative.

It’s supposed to be a happy story. And I think I may have been able to share his joy a little better if I heard it today, or last week. But I was very weak then. We were in so much pain and it was all right there on the surface. Just the mention of a baby would make me feel sad and small and not whole. That feeling isn’t totally gone, of course. It still resurfaces from time to time. But I’m a little less sensitive to it today than I was a few months ago.

All I could think of when he was telling this story was that if we adopted we would always be infertile. And that our children would always feel like they missed out on something.

Of course, the case for adopting isn’t helped when you look at the uncertainty and the expense compared with doing IVF. And I still don’t really feel like adoption is a way to replace having children naturally or even through ART. I think some people are called to adopt. And some people have a heart for orphans and will adopt and thereby add to their families. And I think it’s wonderful to adopt a child. A truly wonderful calling. But I wouldn’t want that to be a second-choice plan–I wouldn’t want my children to feel like they were a second-choice plan.

Our hearts could change tomorrow; we could find one day that adopting is the right step for us, the first choice. And maybe a seed has been planted for adoption in our hearts, though it has not yet matured. Right now, choosing adoption would be some kind of compromise. It wouldn’t be right for the child or for us. And I know that.

But I looked at the children around us on our trip and started to wonder . . .


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Visit from Mom and Dad

I had a lovely blessing this weekend: My parents came to visit. My dad hadn’t seen our new house yet, and when my mom came last we had just moved in. She was helping us unpack. So it was very nice to have a chance to show them the house now that it is put together and we’ve hung stuff on the walls.

We had a great time while they were here. DH and I took them to NASA headquarters and we visited DH’s parents at their lakehouse. We ate at excellent restaurants, and we really had a wonderful time.

But last night my mom wanted to discuss our infertility stuff. It was their last night here, and we were up until almost 4 am talking. She and I had talked a little about the physical stuff (medicines we were trying, our approximate timeline of upcoming stuff, and so forth), but last night she asked, “Are you happy?”

I told her that I am happy most days, but on the whole I’m sad. I don’t think I’ll ever look back on this period of my life and think, gee, wasn’t that a great time? Remember when we were living in a strange city, we didn’t have a very good social outlet, and we found out we were infertile? Wasn’t it just lovely?

And she didn’t like my answer. She wants me to be happy, of course. But in her mind, the fact that I’m not happy isn’t a fact. It’s something I’m apparently supposed to be either ignoring or doing something about. The hardest part was that she kept telling me that she just knew we would have children someday–if we had faith. She said it more the more I tried to explain to her that, while I appreciated that she was trying to make me feel better, her words weren’t comforting.

I really feel that God is calling me to trust him and to, in a sense, come to terms with the possibility that we won’t have our own children and know that if this happens it will be because that is what is best for us (based on Romans 8:28). It’s not that I think we won’t or that I am not hoping that we will, but that I feel I need to come to a place where I can say honestly that while I hope we will have a family of our own one day, I am okay with the possibility that we won’t.

I’m not there yet. But I’ve gotten close a few times.

I had told her all this before. But it clearly didn’t sink in (or, more likely, she just thinks I’m wrong in my assessment of things). Last night, I told my mom that what she was saying was undermining what I felt like God has been telling me.

And she couldn’t comprehend that.

I just wish she would try to understand. That she would sincerely put herself in our shoes and try to get what it feels like to be here. Or, if that is too much or not possible for her, that she would at least listen when I say, “Mom, what you are saying to me right now hurts me. Believe that if you like, but please stop saying it.” Instead, when I say that to her, she repeats the offending words. Over. And over. And over again.

What she said (though she couldn’t understand why this was hurtful) boiled down to saying that if we had enough faith we would be pregnant. As in, it’s our fault we are still barren.

I don’t believe that is true. Deep down, I know it’s not true.

But it’s hard enough to hear stuff like that from people I don’t know well. It’s so much harder to hear it from my own mom.

Lord, give me strength to love her, even when we don’t see eye to eye. And to recognize that she means well, even when she keeps throwing little barbs at me.

(Note: I am really grateful they came to visit. As hard as last night was, maybe by the end of our 4-hour conversation she came to understand something new. Maybe things will be better next time. I am glad it happened. And I really did have a lovely long weekend with my mom and dad, even if some of last night was depressing.)


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Liebster Nominees

So the lovely ladies over at Two Good Eggs (whose wonderful blog has the uncanny ability to make me laugh when I’m feeling down) nominated me for a Liebster award and gave me a list of questions to answer. Thank you for thinking of me! As far as I can make out, the rules are that I have to answer their questions. After that, I make my 10 nominations (check them out in the links below!) and post 11 questions for them. Then my nominees get to pass it on. (And the circle never ends?)

Here goes:

1. What was your worst job and why?

I had an amazing job turned nightmare a couple of years ago. I worked as a copyeditor and had a dream of a boss. The material was interesting, I had my own office, and I loved my coworkers. And then– it went something like: “Surprise! Meet your new boss. This guy is great. He doesn’t know anything about what he is supposed to be an expert in, he’ll yell at you in front of people to make himself feel bigger, and he’ll treat the people around you like dirt.” After a few months of that, I went to the HR director and said, “I’ll work from home or I’m leaving. And as long as he’s here, I won’t be the last to go.” I left. And that’s when I started my own business. DH calls it my problem with authority. (The bully boss lasted a few more months. Everyone else in the department under him left before he did. I think he was fired, but I’m not certain.)

2. What do you notice first when meeting someone?

I’m REALLY bad with faces. If you’re wearing a name tag, I will notice how you spell your name. If you’re not wearing a name tag, I will imagine how you spell your name. Or I will ask you how you spell your name. Later, I’ll remember that I met a person with a particular name. And I’ll remember pertinent details of whatever conversation we had. But I might as well have been blind, because I wouldn’t be able to describe the person’s face after just one meeting.

3. What is your favorite condiment? What do you put it on?

Barbecue sauce. I put it on french fries, hamburgers, pulled any kind of meat… you know, the normal stuff barbecue sauce belongs on.

4. What’s your favorite sexual position?

The one that gets me knocked up. Or, since it appears that may not happen in the standard way, ummmm…

5. Why did the chicken cross the road?

I’m pretty sure that was where the fertility clinic was.

6. What was your worst idea ever? Did you act on it?

DH wanted to run a marathon. I had never run a race before (not even a 5k). But I was working a terrible job (see no. 1), and running at the end of the day helped me destress. So I told him I’d run with him. That wasn’t the worst idea, but insisting on “just running” and not doing any crosstraining beforehand may have been. My knee took a little over a year to recover. But we did finish, darn it!

7. What do you most often forget to do that you should do?

Blog. I want to blog a lot more often. It’s been so cathartic for me to put words on a page. It helps me process things. But I don’t take advantage of having a blog as often as I should. When I’m feeling low, I often forget I have this great space to vent.

8. What is your favorite movie quote?

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ( Billy Crystal as Harry in When Harry Met Sally. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. NOW.)

9. Where was the worst place you visited? What made it so bad?

Badascony, Hungary. The first big trip DH and I took together was to Hungary. We spent about half our time in Budapest (which is a very interesting city) and the other half we biked from town to town along the north side of Lake Balaton. We started on the West side and ended on the East side of the lake before heading back to Budapest. On our way to the second town (and the first real bike day), it poured rain. And it was so cold. As we got close to our destination for the night, in the middle of Hungary’s wine country, we stopped at a winery/restaurant to ask for a bit of help finding our hotel. The waitress made a mean face at us (dripping wet with our big backpacks, and I bet our lips were blue), looked at the address we showed her, and acted like that zip code was not even in the same country. When we found our hotel, it was about three blocks away. We had originally planned to eat at that winery that night. Instead, we stayed in, drank hot tea, and took warm baths. The next morning, we headed out of there quick.

10. Do you poop while talking on the phone?

No. I mean, I guess if DH called while I was using the toilet, I’d answer. But I wouldn’t initiate a call from the pot.

11. What is your personal mantra?

This year: Fruitfulness. We’re going to make it a fruitful year, no matter what our circumstances.

DH says my personal mantra is skepticism. I don’t believe things I hear. I don’t take things at face value. Especially from doctors, teachers, and people in authority in general. (Okay, maybe I do have a slight problem with authority…)

Bonus Question: Do you own pajama jeans? If so, where do you wear them?

No. But now that I am faced with this question, I think I should. I have the perfect office environment for it. I usually wear pajama pants to work (at home). If I had pajama jeans, I could answer the door with confidence when the FedEx guy rings the bell.

My Nominations:

I’m sure some of you have already done this or have previously been nominated. I guess our little TTC/IF world is not so very big. Apologies if this is a repeat, but know that I really appreciate your blogs and thank you all for writing! (And I’m praying for you all.)

Barren & Unemployed (http://barrenandunemployed.wordpress.com/)
Born by a River (http://bornbyariver.wordpress.com/)
Something out of Nothing (http://soonafamily.wordpress.com/)
Journal of a Subfertile (http://gardengirl29.wordpress.com/)
An Empty Womb (http://anemptywomb.wordpress.com/)
Husbands and Infertility (http://infertilityjourneyforhusbands.wordpress.com/)
IVF Male (http://ivfmale.wordpress.com/)
Maybe Baby (http://maybebabyivf.wordpress.com/)
Waiting on an Angel (http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/)
Today I Bought Waterproof Mascara (http://todayiboughtwaterproofmascara.wordpress.com/)

My Questions:

1.  What TV show, magazine, or book do you LOVE but would never tell anyone about?
2. Do your friends or family know about your blog? Why or why not?
3. Are you a morning person or a night person? What about your significant other?
4. What’s your favorite piece of furniture?
5. What really gets you going in the morning?
6. Dogs, Cats, Neither, Both (Other)? Why?
7. All things happen for a reason. True or false? Explain.
8. Best underrated movie of all time? Why? 
9. What was the worst moment of your best vacation? 
10. What is one thing you’ve learned about your significant other because you’re dealing (or have dealt) with infertility?
11. What do you find is the best way to destress after a tough day?